This report is by Judge Ryan Macklin (man, I love that title). Most of these photos are courtesy of Erif's nice digital camera, many of which were taken by my girlfriend, Sam. Some others are courtesy of The Irregular Edward (a.k.a. Gene or Cheeze). Mad props to ya'll for representing the colors for the masses.

First arriving on the scene were, of course, the Tournament Judges, Ryan Arndt (a.k.a Erif) and Ryan Macklin (a.k.a me) - setting up camp, buying a "warm-up" pitcher, representing clan DCT. Shortly afterwards, Sasha, Micah and their entourage descended upon the festivities. Half of DCT2 was set and prepared, all that was needed was the arrival of those wine-loving Yuba City Chess Ninjas.

Headlined by the returning champion from DCT1, TJ led the pack (well, at least drove the truck) of young warriors onto the battlefield of bountiful booze. (Try saying that three time fast. While drunk. Serious, it's pretty funny.) Along with Edward, Dylan, and Gilbert, there was a 50-50 chance that one of their number would take home the title. Given than TJ was a favorite this season, they were a force to be feared.

But they still stood up against fierce competition - both of the Tournament Judges Judges held black belts in drunken chess fu, and their fighting stances are indeed impressive. Their outerwear wasn't to be sneered at either.

With the usual suspects gathered, the tournament began! The games started with the traditional exhibiting round and the two-pint game: The participants were allowed to pair themselves up for the exhibition game. Battle lines had been drawn, and factions were formed. The Tournament Judges were sitting across from each other, in the alpha seat. (this is dramatic license, people, it doesn't need to make sense). The aftermath of that battle looked favorably for young Master Macklin, but as we all remember from DCT1, the exhibition round truly means nothing in the greater shceme of things. (For those who do not remember or were not there, Ryan beat TJ in the exhibition round, and Ryan was defeated in the first elimination round, whereas TJ went on to win the tournament.)

TJ and Edward were the other representatives of DCT1, playing alongside their Sutter City brethren, Dylan and Gilbert. Last, but certainly not least (especially if you hear them tell it) was Sasha and Micah, representing professional swashbucklers everywhere.

With the exhibition round over with, the players were getting good and buzzed. Some of the games were over quickly, and the drinks were slammed. Other too a little bit of time, but all in all the players played well.

The first elimination round began with a bang. The players lined up, some with spectators cheering them on beside them. This season, instead of using numbers drawn from a hat, we used little chess pieces drawn from a cupped hand - mine, to be exact. A king, queen, rook and knight from both black and white. The players with a matching piece were paired up. Some players used that draw to determine who was white and black, others determined it afterwards.
Nearly 100% sweep by the black players, as you can see. Micah and Sasha were ousted quickly by Erif and Ryan (sporting this rather sexy drink-holding apparitus). Alas, the Professional Swashbuckling faction was no more, but unencumbered by the act of playing chess, they continued to drink, drink, and drink some more. In a surprising move, the Old Guard of the Yuba City Chess Ninjas were dispatched by their younger apprentices. But, although the fists were flying with unstoppable fury, in the end there was still mad love with their crew, as Gilbert and TJ show us.

The loser's circle now seated four, but that would increase before the day is out (otherwise not much of a tournament, now is it?)

Those games were not without their moments, however. Erif was spreading love and joy during some such moments, and Edward showed us that he was definitely distracted during his game. Ryan was showing off his family's ancient Panther Claw Strike technique to Dylan, inspiring fear, showing that he was truly undefeatable. More on how that was disproven later...

Ryan went on to show his love for DCT when he dispatched his opponenet quickly, and then attempted to rectify his alcohol abuse. Ryan is an embarassment to chess and drinking. If it wasn't for the fact that he's Dictator-For-Life on DCT Land, I personally would have kicked his ass out. And drank his booze. However, Sasha and Micah already stole some of his booze, so there wasn't much point in trying.

The players were set up, with some of the eliminated hanging out or playing chess with their fallen brethren. TJ wishing a rather drunk Dylan good luck. Ryan getting some good luck himself. Dylan put his game face on and Ryan got his think on (but only a little bit - this reporter has inside information: Ryan had been drinking a little bit prior to this semifinal match). As Erif and Gilbert were also getting their match underway, TJ, Sasha and others watched on as the semifinals began. In a surprising move (sources say surpising most of all to Dylan, who has some good compliments for his opponent's playing style, and moreso his unrelenting poker face), Dylan stole Ryan's chance for victory this season, putting Ryan in the loser's circle and himself as a finalist. Two of the favorites were down! But on the other side of the table, after a much longer game, Erif stood (or rather, sat) victorious, and would go on to save the face of Drunken Chess Tournament Judges everwhere (all two of us). But he still had one match to win - there was still a chance that this newcower Ninja would steal the crown of booze away from Erif like...like a ninja! Dude, ninja's are so cool. And by cool, I mean sweet!

There were some heated words between Dylan and Ryan, but after they both agreed that Ryan was closer to the door, so he would get to go to the bathroom first, all was well with the cosmos. (Actually, it was just a discussion between two rather drunk players, but it's more exciting the way I tell it, with ninjas and lasers and shit.)

Oh, yeah, and then this laser cam in and almost killed all of it, but then Super TJ came in with his laser-deflecting sunglasses and saved us all. Then we all played some more chess.

This just in - I've been ordered to stop smoking crack as of now. Apparently just because it's Drunken Chess Tournament doesn't mean I have to write a report about it while drunk. But it helps.

As the two defeated chess players walked off to the sidelines, Gene congradulated Dylan on his victory, and TJ consoled Ryan during this hard time. "Don't worry", he most defintely did not say, "Erif might still win it for your clan". Sure, that's all I need, Erif rubbing it in. I'd never hear the end of it. But my loyalty stood firm, and I tried to lend him my chess strength. Fortunately for all involved, this isn't some episode of Star Trek on acid, and there is no such thing as a "Drunken Chess Meld".

But there is such a thing as a toast, and the group got together for one. The finals were on, Dylan vs Erif, with Ryan and TJ playing chess nearby and the Swashbucklers drinking in the back. Edward struck a pose, and the people rejoiced.
Move after move, capture after capture. As the song says, "you win some, you lose some, and sometimes Fate just likes to piss on your still-warm corpse". (It's a song I made up.) Erif took his final drink from DCT2, losing to the Dylan of the Yuba City Chess Ninjas. Edward and Ryan were too drunk to comment, but were later found duct taped together with three hermaphorditic sheep. Luckily for them, California is liberal about sheep crimes.

Dylan became of champion on Drunken Chess Tournament 2. Props to him for defeating some solid opponents (myself included), and mad love to all the players, for showing this city a second time what it's like to be host to such intellectual drunks. Streets of London were great, and we might go with them next year.

We came. Dylan conquered. We had fun.