Beat The Geeks
Comedy Central

Holy fuck, this show is a pile of puréed batshit. After seeing the commericals for this, I figured it wasn't worth watching. But I happened to accidentally catch it one day...

... and I'm still trying to watch the funk out of my brain. This show is just wrong on many, many levels. Note: While it's hard to resist, I'm going to try to avoid a ten-page rant concluding with an open offer to pay quite a handsome sum to see these people urinated on on the show. I'm livid, and don't quite feel like lightening the language any. You've been warned.

First of all, "Geeks". I'm sorry, but last I fucking checked a "geek" didn't mean you were a fat asshole who watches TV and eats enough fried chicken to fatten a dozen Elvises. It means you had some badass *useful* (or at least semi-useful for the real world) knowledge with social skills to boot (unlike "nerds" who are sans social skills and "dorks" who are, well, dorks). Sure, I realize it's an anal rant, but then I'm also the kind of person who recognizes the difference between a "hacker" and a "cracker"/"script kiddie"/etc. I'm a part of the subculture, and these lowlife fuckers are taking my heritage and packaging it as some sort of circus side-show.

In short: I'M A FUCKING GEEK, AND IT TAKES MORE THAN LAME-ASS POPULAR-FUCKING-CULTURE TO MAKE YOU A REAL GEEK!!!

Now that I'm done with the very personal section of my rant, there's issues with the game itself. A lot of issues. In fact, I don't think I can rightfully call it a game, but the other words to describe it are either long-winded or blasphemous.

The host tries to look the geek part of Coke-bottle glasses and asshole-like one-liners. The geeks are dressed in robes and act like arrogant fuckups. The only humorous bit about this show is watching these self-proclaimed "geeks" act all holier-than-thou spouting their knowledge and then watching them fumble when they are told they're wrong.

Now, this is separated into three stages. The first stage, three contestants compete amongst each other to answer questions like any other game. Nothing new there. The "Geeks" don't compete yet, but they answer each question a contestant gets wrong with over-information and a far-too-heavy dose of quite unfunny sarcasm.

Then it goes from worse to shit. One contestant is eliminated, and then the others compete against the geeks. The host asks the contestant easy-ass questions, and the geeks a "geek-level" question. I mean shit, this game's a fucking joke. Every time a geek is challenged, they have to say something insulting and witty, only it keeps coming out as them looking unimaginative and lame.

Then in the final round it's down to one contestant versus a geek of their choice. They choose 1, 2 or 3 point questions (which, honestly, the difficulty of the questions seems to only be loosely based on the point value) and whomever gets to 7 points first wins. It sounds simple, but keep in mind - total idiot contestants and total arrogant dumbass "geeks" are playing. It might be hard to imagine, but this ending round is rather anticlimatically skullfucked.

I sat through this show twice so I could make sure I could properly review it. And I've come to the conclusion that the people who came up with the idea, the host, the "geeks", the contestants, the audience, and anyone who is a fan should be put through a wood chipper ala Fargo, and then used as chum so that we could get some use out of them. I hate this show, I'm insulted by this show, and it makes me want to hurt things.